I was reminded of this psychological construct popularized by Steven Covey when chatting with an entrepreneur today.   I was encouraging the founder to seek help with a particular product issue – he resisted at first, expressing that it would show a weakness to “need help”.

The ever popular Stephen Covey, in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People describes the maturation process from dependent to independent then interdependent. The independence stage is where we demonstrate mastery and competence. This is the developmental task of children and peaks for teens and young adults. Parents need to allow children space for this development even when that feels risky. Independence is very much encouraged in today’s world. It seems logical that it would take someone with a strong sense of independence and competency to leave the security of a university or large company to start a company. Our society admires and encourages this independence and some of the entrepreneurs’ energy may be derived from their desire to demonstrate independence. I believe this was true for me. But we can be stuck in our independence and I believe that startup founders are at risk of this trap by their very personality.

Many of the most rewarding experiences in life, however, happen when we transition from independence to embrace interdependence. Biology is full of interdependence examples.  Family is obviously one of the most cherished interdependent structures in our society. Many musical and sports activities are interdependent. Interdependence is, I believe, the essential quality in business environments today which absolutely require teamwork and good leadership.   Interdependence at a societal level has had profound impact – countries that are interdependent with one another are less likely to resort to war to manage conflicts.

It seems that the more successfully independent we were as a young person, the more difficulty we have during the inevitable later bumps in the road where we need the support of others.  Appropriate interdependence is not automatic – it is learned and takes practice. I was empathizing with one of my young adult children over a particularly difficult research paper they were writing. It was an esoteric topic outside their comfort zone. I asked if they had brainstormed with peers – the answer was “no” as it might be viewed by the professor as “cheating”. I found this interesting as I cannot remember the last time I wrote an important document – e.g. presentation or business plan completely by myself. That’s simply not how the business world works. Even if I were fairly independent in developing the content I would certainly show it to colleagues to find ways to improve – everything from graphics and language to logic and examples. And often the core idea is developed in a collaborative manner.

In my own life, I have found that the times when I have done something significant to seek  support or collaborate – taking what felt like a risk – have directly correlated with the times when I’ve had the most significant personal breakthroughs. When we are encouraged to seek support or other help, it is easy to perceive it to be a step back towards dependence when, in fact, accepting that support is moving forward towards interdependence and progress.